The Sandwich of my Dreams

So just a quick post because I have a test tommorow. I've already procrastinated enough by hosting a poker game (lost $30) and writing random emails. My Criminal prof said: "If you're playing poker there's always one 'mark' at the table who's going to lose all his money. If you can't spot him it's probably you." Tonight it was me.

So Balki update - I am in an 8 month lease at Balki's place which is sweet because I get the hell out of London as soon as I'm done school. As for all my furniture - Balki and his Dad (the absentee landlord who owns the place and who in my opinion has doomed his son to a lifetime of servitude as his no-commission property manager - more on that later) have said that they will charge me half rent for every month I leave my stuff there. Seems like a good deal at first but I found a storage place in town that will store it for about $500 less for the summer (now if you're really good at math you can figure out how much rent I pay... no wait you can't unless I tell you that the storage for four months costs $275. There you go - simple algebra.)

Anyway when Balki got wind of my subversive plan to not pay him $500 - he immediately told me that his dad is considering making a "comparable offer." Yeah. "Considering." They will obviously make the offer so that they can get $275 for that unused room. These guys are so tight they'd let me keep a rusted cage of ebola monkeys in the room for another $50. Can't wait to use all the fun tricks I learned in Contracts class to make the deal even better.

Also during my poker game I got a call from my employer from last summer. That's right folks you are reading the writings of a real life truck driver for 1-800-GOT-JUNK.
Oh please.
No stop applauding.
You're very kind.
No Miss, I'm very flattered but I have a girlfriend.
You'll do what?
No, I'm sorry I just couldn't.
Yes, another summer of hauling rich people's old couches away and cutting off every car on the road that is smaller than mine. Take that Lincoln Navigator! Not so tough now are you?



One more thing, I missed my alarm clock this morning and my roommate Larry cruelly awakened me from the most awesome dream. I dreamt that I was at my friend's wedding (well he's more of an acquaintance - spoken to him maybe once in the last 4 years) and eventhough he's Jewish, this was an Italian wedding. Since I have never been to an Italian wedding, it was basically a stereotypical Italian Mafia wedding. The Sopranos were sitting at the next table. Joe Pesci was yelling at the waiter. And everyone was calling me Mickey Blue Eyes. Don't even ask. I have nothing in common with Hugh Grant except for a weakness for oddly named prostitutes.


"I dare say darling, it would be rather smashing if we invited that intriguing streetwalker into our nuptial bed.""

Anyway, everybody had these amazing sandwiches on their plates, overloaded with spicy meatballs - just lika Mamma used to make. I did not have any sandwiches. I asked everybody where the sandwich table was and when I finally found it and loaded my plate up... Knock Knock. "Are you going to Criminal this morning?" That class sucked. I should have stayed in bed and finished my dinner.


You know Sandwich. I dreamed about you last night. No it wasn't sexual! Fuck, you are such a homophobic asshole. Can't a guy tell another guy that he dreamt about him without you having to make it all weird? You're also full of baloney... Delicious juicy baloney.., succulent meatballs... three strips of turkey bacon... spinach and the plumpest garden tomatoes all smothered in a tangy marinara and served on a lightly toasted multi-grain bun. I just want to put all 8 inches of you in my mouth at once...I mean... no... GODDAMN YOU!