The Lexorcist

This will be a short post. I have a new blog that I will devote to my discussion of all things legal. I will still maintain this blog as my personal outlet but the posts may be less frequent as I divide my time between the two of them. This new enterprise is called The Lexorcist (a spoof on the title of a well-known legal publication) and it will be awesome. Check it out now at http://lexorcist.blogspot.com.

Hell is Other People's Responsibilities

My full time job this summer is as a project coordinator at a Canadian based, NASDAQ listed oil and gas company specializing in projects in Russia. It was originally meant to be a legal research type job (a lot of securities work) but since the company is actually quite small and the execs are pretty overloaded they were more than happy to "promote" me to my current station and delegate a whole bunch of responsibility onto me.

The bosses just left for Moscow on Monday to check out some project sites and sign some contracts or whatever it is people do on Transatlantic business trips. Meanwhile they had left a couple of loose ends untied in their rush and since I'm the most senior person at the office (the company's headcount is REALLY small) they became my problem. Main issue is that they promised one guy who some money before they left.

The money was going to be put into a new account for him to take care of his expenses on a trip that was going to benefit the company. Unfortunately, despite his promises the President of our company didn't make ANY arrangements to get the guy his funds and just told me to take care of it. Fine. Tuesday I spent the afternoon at the bank working out the details for a new business account. This was more difficult than it should have been because two of the people who were supposed to have signing authority on the account weren't around and although I was acting as their agent I couldn't sign for them. At least I remembered that we could get a free iPod Nano because we were switching an old account from Scotiabank to TD. I know I already have one but I want that iPod.

The next day there were supposed to be funds in the new account. Of course, it wasn't that simple and I started learning about all the nitpicky administrative do's and dont's of the commercial banking industry. We can't do a direct wire transfer until we finalize some details on the account. We can transfer from your existing TD account to the new one but not without the signatures of the signing officers. (Oops they're in Russia.)

So I've got the guy calling me every hour asking where his money is. I'm calling Russia and New York where our financial guy operates (or at least pretends to: The guy is an incompetent prick) all day. I was on the phone all day and straightened out everything that could be fixed on my end.

And then it dawned on me: I'm not at the bottom of this company's food chain... I'll let the receptionist handle all of this bullshit! I gave her instructions for what to do and whom to call, and pretended to be really really busy with other more important matters. And now I have time to post on my blog!

Liberalism in the Face of the Apocalypse

When people ask me if I'm more liberal or conservative I'll generally say the former. I believe that all people should have equal rights in a society if they pay their taxes and respect their countrymen. I think that women should be able to choose if their first term pregnancy should be able to run its course and that if two people of the same sex want their legal union to be called "marriage" then our society won't face problems of rampant polygamy and bestiality 10 years down the road. I believe in free speech and all those other rights and freedoms in the Canadian Charter of Human Rights.

The point where my liberalism reaches its limits is when we talk about foreign and internal entities who disrespect the "immoral" views that I hold so dear because it offends their own cultural values. It is no great generalization for me to say that these entities all share one common belief system which we all know as Radical Islam.

I am by no means intolerant of the Muslim faith. I AM intolerant of any faith that interprets its holy texts (written in different millennia) to justify intolerance of human rights and respect for other cultures. At their fundamentalist extremes, Judaism and Christianity have the potential to be as dangerous as radical Islam (just look at the KKK and the Kahane Chai organizations respectively for examples of Judeo-Christianity gone wild). The difference is that in this day and age, as much as Republican Middle America tries to hold back such threatening progressions as legalized gay marriage, abortion rights and the metric system, the mainstream Christian culture still guarantees all American citizens certain basic rights and respect. Even the Vatican has made major steps into the 21st century by apologizing for its oppression of Jews over the centuries and cracking down on inappropriate conduct in its clergy.

The case is very different with countries who base their law on the Quaran. After the optimistic atmosphere of progress and a movement towards rights in Iran under the Khatami government, the populace votes in Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to fulfill the Ayatollahs' agenda of taking Iran back into the stone age in terms of human rights and relations with the West. Likewise, Lebanon's great strides to liberate itself from the oppressive control of Syria and their local agents Hezbollah were derailed with the assassination of former Prime Minister Rafik Hariri last year. Along with the Saudi (and other OPEC sourced) oil money that is funding all of these groups is the problem that democracy in the Arab world is a farce. Generally, when given the opportunity to elect their government representatives, Arab populations have voted for the parties with the strongest armies and the most violent anti-West agendas. (We have to question the Palestinian desire for peace after Hamas - an organization recognized as a terrorist group by Canada whose main platform is the destruction of Israel - won an overwhelming victory in this year's Palestinian Authority election over the relatively moderate and dovish Fatah).

The situation is not much better in Western countries. Immediately after the 7/7 bombings of the London transit system last year, a poll of British Muslim citizens yielded some scary results. To summarize, "more than half of British Muslims want Islamic law and 5% endorse violence to achieve that end." The situation is similar if not worse in most of Europe where growing Muslim populations cultivated by the EU's extensive mobility rights (ie immigrants to any EU country can settle in any other EU country). I consider the Muhammad cartoon scandal in Denmark to be one of the most effective terrorist attacks orchestrated by radical Islam and its proponents. Denmark's rapidly growing and increasingly politically active population caused such concern that one of the world's most receptive countries to immigration felt compelled to start a campaign limiting Muslim immigration. The situation is far scarier in France where race riots broke out last year and Jewish citizens are scared to identify themselves as such for fears of beatings or worse.

The problems are exacerbated by the impotency of the United Nations. In the UN, more resolutions are passed against Israel for human rights violations than against Sudan, China, Iran and North Korea combined. Meanwhile, Israel (while far from perfect) guarantees its citizens a bundle of rights that is basically equivalent to those enjoyed by the most liberal Western Democracies, as illustrated by Gay Pride Parades in downtown Jerusalem and the proportional representation of Arab parties in the Israeli Knesset. The reason for this is that the Arab bloc in the UN spends more time passing resolutions against Israel than it does paying attention to the dismal reports that UNICEF and other humanitarian bodies are lodging against their own countries.

So now when looking at the current conflict between Israel and Hezbollah it is extremely hard for me to characterize the Israeli offensive as "disproportionate" as I have comfortably characterized the US offensive against Iraq. Israel launched the offensive to recover two soldiers who were kidnapped during a Hezbollah incursion onto Israeli soil. Israel has not had a military presence in Lebanon for 6 years and was making great headway in strengthening relations with Saad Hariri's Lebanese government. Meanwhile, Hezbollah and its charismatic leader Hassan Nasrallah have committed their selves to their mantra of "Death to Israel". There is no two state solution as far as Hamas, Hezbollah and their compatriots are concerned. The free Palestinian state that they envisage will follow the agenda began by Nasser and Arafat to "throw the Jews into the sea" and establish Palestine on all of the land they now occupy. These groups do not protest Israel's treatment of Palestinian refugees. They protest Israel's very existence.

The current offensive was launched by Israel to recover it's kidnapped soldiers, Eldad Regev, 26 and Ehud Goldwasser, 31. Israel's zeal to recover kidnapped soldiers is no secret to her enemies - Hezbollah need look no further than Israel's powerful incursions into Gaza to recover 19 year old Gilad Shalit less than 3 weeks ago. Israel initially promised to cease its bombing of Lebanon the moment their boys are released - even now they are promising to return to the negotiation table if their soldiers are returned. Hezbollah has had the power to stop the rain of Israeli bombs from its very beginning but has not done so. The committed fighters of Hezbollah may be willing to die for their cause, but they never got any confirmation of that dedication from the innocent Lebanese civilians (including members of a Canadian family who were visiting relatives in Beirut) who are dying every day for a cause they do not necessarily support. The blood of all these Lebanese innocents are on Hizbullah's hands as is that of the innocent Israelis who have perished in the constant barrage of rockets raining down on northern Israel.

And the world, for once (!), is supporting Israel rather than condemning it. Israel has vowed to totally liquidate Hizbullah's infrastructure as is necessary to protect its citizens. If the Lebanese government and its army were able and willing to do that job, I am sure that Israel would gladly allow them to clean up their own mess (the offensive is costing Israel around 200 million NIS per day) but right now Israel's is the only army willing and able to take on such an offensive. Prime Minister Ehud Omert recently asserted that unless they involve themselves, Israel will not attack Syria or Iran for fear of destabilizing the region. Right now, we just have to wait and see if Syria will just watch it's controlling influence in Lebanon wither away under Israel's fire of retribution. The involvement of Syria and Iran in the wake of their ally North Korea's recent defiant rocket tests has me realistically considering Newt Gingrich's recent observation that World War III has already begun.

I applaud Stephen Harper's strong stance in support of Israel as it fights the good fight in a microcosm of the war that I believe we may all be drawn into when the leaders of Radical Islam the world over, decide that it is time to launch the ultimate jihad and the radicalized Muslim citizens of Western countries choose their loyalties.

Yes, I am a self-described liberal when I consider the rights that I and my countrymen should enjoy and the respect that my government should have for its citizens. However, I am proud that I had the foresight and the international perspective that prompted me to vote for the Conservative party in the last federal election. The thought of a Liberal or NDP government condemning Israel for an entirely justified war is enough to make me gag in disgust and anger.

I believe that every person who considers themselves a proponent of democracy and human rights owes Israel its allegiance in its current war. If they can not echo my unconditional support of Israel's hardline approach, they must at least tacitly acknowledge the right of a democratic nation to protect its citizenry against attack from those who have vowed to destroy them and their way of life.

God Bless Israel. Am Yisrael Chai.

Behind the Bins: The Untold Story of 1800 GOTJUNK or "How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Labour Board Appeals"

I'm really bored so I decided to complete some unfinished blog entries from last year when I was really active. Here's one from the archives. Hopefully the freedom of speech that blogs afford and the time that has passed will balance out the settlement I signed pledging not to publicize this story:

July 2005:

"Ok so I haven't told you about my job.
The reason I haven't told you is because of my job.
I work minimum 12 hour days 4 days a week.
If this is what my articling year is like I'm getting some pretty good practice for the [Work you like a dog] <--------> [have no life] spectrum as described by my property professor - who quit the profession to teach.
Anyway I work for 1-800-Got-Junk. It's not a far cry from my previous job at Starbucks. Got Junk is the Starbucks of trash removal companies. Really overpriced and expensive. But what snazzy uniforms and excellent service.
Dang. My customer service skills are so damned honed. I shmoooze with every customer who is shmoozable. Especially customers who are Jewish, in the law profession or some other common grounds that I can use as an icebreaker.
Why do I shmooze so much? Because the customers are generally really rich (they'd have to be to afford this service) and they might potentially have cash in their pockets to tip me with.
Hell getting tips is sweet. I am so jealous of waitresses in really busy restaurants where they are waiting on 10 tables at once and the food is kinda expensive. 15% of all that grub is some serious bling. And tips are in cash and go right into your pocket and there's something cool about getting actual hard currency in your hand instead of a larger cheque every two weeks.
We find plenty of great stuff along the way. One man's garbage is truly another man's treasure. Thus far I have furnished myself and my friends with great furniture, TVs, a "Tony Little's Gazelle" and a limited edition Chagall print that one ebay seller valued at $5000 in mint condition (unfortunately it was left behind when my girlfriend moved out of her apartment.)

July 2006 (cont'd):

Here's the aftermath of that job. A year later I can look back on this story and really laugh:

My last day on the job with 1800 GOT JUNK? was very dramatic. It started out like any other day with the regular schedule of domestic cleanouts. I was working with a temp worker whose English was poor but was built like an ox and worked hard when instructed to do so. We were a bit ahead of schedule so we picked up another job from the dispatcher. A real estate agent was picking up the tab for the new residents. The previous inhabitants had lived in abject squalor. It was quite disgusting.

So Mr. Crooked Real Estate Agent pulled a fast one on us. He handed us a cheque and accepted a receipt for the rooms that he had showed us and wanted us to clean out. After that contract was essentially finalized and we'd agreed to clean out the whole house (or what we thought was the whole house) he points to what looks like a small area under the basement stairs where he said there were a few boxes. Once the area was illuminated it turned out to be a huge area with a 100 sq foot area and a 4 foot ceiling. It was full of boxes and garbage. Oh and it was also full of several years worth of feces from the previous owners 9 cats.

We didn't realize the extent of the filth until we were covered in it and our olfactory systems recovered from shock. I immediately called the company's dispatcher to quote the section of their training manual that deals with workplace safety: "The workers shall have the right to refuse any job they consider to be a health hazard (e.g. chemicals, biological waste, etc)." In my personal mathematics 9 cats x over a decade of unsupervised defecation = the world's biggest and most unsanitary indoor litter box.

The company had recently expanded it's management structure to include a totally unnecessary layer of middle managers between the owners (who in previous years had directly and expertly managed the workers and treated them with a lot of respect) and the guys in the trucks. The guy on dispatch was one such manager - he had recently been promoted from several years as a glorified garbage man and was power tripping as if he was the owner's nephew.

After explaining the situation,

Mr. Responsible Management says: "I appreciate your assessment of the situation. However, if you already accepted payment from the customer and promised them to finish the job you're going to have to do it."

I respond: "So am I to understand that I have no choice but to finish this job and risk my health?"

He answers: "That's right."

To which I retort: "If that's the case you officially have my resignation effective immediately. Send some other guys over to risk their health tomorrow."

At this point it was 10PM and my partner and I had been working for over 15 hours with no dinner.

I was asked to drive the truck back to its parking spot at the company HQ down at Lakeshore Blvd and Parliament. The house where we were working was up in Markham. (i.e. 45 minute drive without traffic for non-Torontonians). I spewed off one of the greatest feeling quitting lines ever: "Actually [manager's name], I don't work for your company anymore so I'm going to park the truck at a more convenient location for myself and you can go pick it up yourself tomorrow morning. Have a good evening."

I did just that and called the owner the next morning. The owner was a wonderful boss when he managed his company directly and I had a great relationship with him. However he was a businessman first and foremost. When I explained the misunderstanding and asked for my job back, he said he needed a week to think about it. I realized that was a cowardly way of saying there was no way in hell I'd get my job back so I immediately got into unemployed law student mode.

I called the Workplace Safety and Insurance Board (WSIB), the Ministry of Health and the Ontario Labour Relations Board (OLRB) and reported the incident. They moved really fast and within a week I was interviewed by several inspectors about the working conditions at the company. 1800 GOT JUNK prided itself on its commitment to safety and I was about to tarnish that reputation. Professor Michael Lynk of Western provided some great and free advise as I was going through the process. Long story short - after some interesting negotiation mediated by an OLRB inspector, the company wrote me a cheque for two weeks pay to shut me up. I put that money to good use when I went to Europe two weeks later. (I had been planning to quit to go traveling when all this happened anyway.) The settlement agreement from the lawyer had me agree that I don't initiate any further action. It didn't say anything about posting the story on my blog. Hope you enjoyed it.